twenty-twenty, a roller-coaster.

this could pass as my highlights

there are words in my heart
i want to spill like fire from a volcano
a year full of all the lows you could ever imagine
drawing patterns of bittersweet memories on your skin

a wild year it was,
a virus threatening lives and putting the world on hold,
a lot of bloodshed by the hands
of the ones who swore to protect us

i lost a brother to the cold hands of death
and it sprung up memories of my mother from the year before; a similar story — the lack of blood

i couldn’t shed tears because my eyes were tired. so tired from crying at every random thought of the ones i loved and lost

oh death, where’s thy sting or however they say it

for the first time in my entire life,
i lay on a hospital bed,
the same one my mother laid; i cried

not because i was sick, but sadness crept on the surface of my skin like ants to sugar
my emotional bank was broken
I pushed my friends away, forgive me

in may, i shut myself out of the world
simply cos’ the world was forcing itself on me
i was tired, alone and sick

the Lord only whispered and i found a clear path to my restoration
i finally wrote about the day He called my mother to be with Him
about the pain that pierced my heart even till this moment, about grief and my partner in all kinds of doings — anxiety

i joined groups that planted great impacts in my life, i learned new things and kinda made a few new friends

i found peace

and like a plot twist in those blockbuster movies, nothing felt the same

i figured I was alone. we’re all alone.
but i was alone. not ‘depressed’ kind of alone or ‘no friends and family’ kind of alone, but alone in my mind and an island full of imaginations

i love the atmosphere sometimes and other times it just pulls me down

i’m happy today, i’m sad tomorrow, happy again and sad the next day
but i held on to the things that kept my spirit alive.

like assurance from verses of the bible,
a talk with my siblings –reminiscing on old times, reading books that literally lives rent free in my head now(I read a lot), watching movies, taking photographs and feeding my soul with beautiful music

it was great

in july, i cut my hair
it’s nothing deep,
it felt so good
you should see my curls

then in october, i marched
i marched for justice
i marched for a good life as a citizen
i marched for my rights and that of those violated and wasted
i never thought I could ever, but I did — i don’t regret that

december came,
i reconnected with old friends and family
it was so beautiful that i couldn’t hold back the tears

i’m not where i should be
the virus stole and kept us on hold
i don’t bother about it anymore,
if anything, i needed this much time away from a lot

i’m grateful

grateful for how far and how well it has been;

through the rocks and waters
the fire and rain
the tears and giggles
the losses and gains
all of it

maybe the year won,
maybe we overcame somehow
however we look at it
we’re still here about to witness another year, still filled with hope, i guess

so, cheers to a new year?
yes! cheers.

Photo by Leo Ralph

A PhotoG & WannaBe Poet